Quack quack, fuck off duck!

I'm not very happy right now. I just got in from a reasonable night, I haven't been home for a couple of days. I opened my post, and I have a letter regarding my application to teach English in Japan. I'm not going. They have refused my application. My Mum was up when I got in, and I said hello, and was going to go to bed, but my Mum is psychic and the first thing she said was 'what's the matter?' I burst into tears. I'm really upset. I feel completely lost. I spent ages talking to my Mum about what's going on in my life. She's a great listener but I don't talk enough. Talking to a good listener brings problems out you didn't even know about. I'm fed up right now, I'm lost and lonely. I've lost direction, which is huge deal to me. I've always had direction and goals, I've always been getting what I wanted, and now I'm not. My Mum tonight probed further. And I revealed some things that were new to me. It's not just careers and degrees that are getting to me, but things on a social level too. I'm very very lucky, I have lots and lots of friends, I'll never loose sight of how important that is to me. Right now I'm struggling to make them all fit into my life. I don't mean I don't have time to see one friend or the other, it's just that they aren't integrating with me. Or I'm not integrating with them. I don't know. Maybe I'm just feeling the need for a special friend. I think I just want to cry right now.