We are the lazy arses.
I just recieved a comment regarding my last post, and felt I had to address it. It was sent by an anonymous poster.
I think it may be a little insensitive to talk like this about a deaf friend who may well read it.
Its not kind or nice to rub your own prejudice into his face - although it is commendably honest of you to write it.. its perhaps unkind to remind a person that he is being rejected because of something which he cannot help, and whilst I have no doubt that you wouldnt have the heart (thankfully) to say such things to his face - that may in fact be what you are doing, should he read this.
Learn BSL you lazy arse !
I want to start by thanking the author. You have pointed out what I expect will have gone through most rational peoples heads who read my blog. It certainly went through mine, and you have made me want to ask myself some questions. It is bugging me, and has clearly bothered you, so I decided this is the place to ask these questions. Am I rejecting a relationship with this person because he is deaf? I'm confident this isn't the case. I spent two evenings with him, and we discussed many different topics, and nothing happened which made me attracted to him. Now this isn't a bad thing, lots of people meet and aren't attracted to each other. It's just the way things went. Am I rejecting him as a friend because he is deaf? I've just spent 20 minutes pacing my room fighting about this one. I don't know. Fuck! Would he be my friend if he wasn't deaf? One hundred percent no. He'd have an abundance of his own friends. He'd just be another 18 year old twink, and I'm not sure I have that much in common with 18 year olds. I think I'm missing the point there though. In my post I complained of his deafness, not that he is 18. A bulb just lit up in my head. The problem IS that he is deaf. I'm finding it difficult rejecting him because he is deaf. Not that I am rejecting him because of his deafness. If we had clicked, things would have been different. I would have made an effort to learn sign, I'm sure of that, but there just isn't anything there. I wasn't prejudiced against him, I positively embraced him because he is deaf. I just realised it was diffcult. Too much so. I must now address thou annonymous, your main point which is that it was insensitive of me to write it where he may read it. I'll take that a step further and say I may have hurt any deaf people who have come across my my writing. When I set out to write my blog, I wanted to put my heart out on a plate for everyone to see. I wanted people to see the real me, and I just wrote how I saw things. Even though I knew it could be painful. If you are deaf, and hurt then take your anger out on me. Blame me and the other people without impairments who built buildings with stairs but no ramps, supermarket designers who put the shelves too high, signmakers who don't understand braille. We are the fucking idiots. We are the lazy arses.
posted by TheBirdMan @ 9:16 pm
2 comments
2 Comments:
Hello Emil
This is from Loaf -and I seem to be having difficulty registering a name to use here - hence my anonymity.. I wrote the last anonymous message and forgot to sign it.. i didnt mean to hide behind anonymity.Sorry !
It probably made what I wrote seem blunter than it was, and gawd knows it was blunt enough.
I wrote to you in public, rather than by email or phone - because I was simply a little concerned that you might not have considered the possibility that he (whoever he is) might read and misunderstand what you wrote.
Writing private thoughts in a diary is one thing, but rather like Big Brother virgins, we wander care-free in the land of Blogs sometimes not remembering that we are very clearly visible.
It can be hard work being around deaf people, especially in a crowded busy atmosphere and when you are not used to it.
I learned BSL in order to break the barrier down with deaf friends of mine in Birmingham, and it actually opened up a lot of conversation.
Chatting to twinks with whom you have little in common is hard enough at the best of times, but deafness itself can feel quite isolating, both for them and for us, who end up feeling self concious and overdoing things and then collapsing with exhaustion from the effort.
I AM sorry for being anonymous, it wasnt deliberate.
What you have written in reply has clarified matters greatly. If I mis-read your original post, then I apologise.
If anyone wants to discuss my horribly anonymous post, please feel free to contact me at loafji@yahoo.com.
Love and fluff and antibiotics
Loaf
I meant to say 'I'm sorry I wrote to you in public, rather than by email or phone - because I was simply a little concerned that you might not have considered the possibility that he (whoever he is) might read and misunderstand what you wrote.'
I seem to be having trouble expressing myself clearly.
Apologies
Loaf
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