Love Actually

I had an interesting day yesterday. It had it's good moments; lunch with a good friend of mine, I had a laugh in 'work,' had a great chat to a friend on the phone, and had a celebratory beer with a mate who just got a new job after being made redundant. However, the day also had some bizaar moments. This is how it all started. I was in work, and my mobile phone started buzzing - a witheld number. I didn't answer, I don't in work. If I did, I'd never be off the thing, so I just have a flat policy of not answering it, unless it's my Mum. So the, phone stopped vibrating, and then again the witheld number attempted to call. And then again, in total 5 times, but on the final attempt, the person chooses to leave a message. I don't understand why people call again and again, consecutively. Surely it becomes apparent after the first attempt that the person isn't going to answer. Two attempts is forgiveable, but 5 is just silly. On my poo break, I retrieved the message. Now this message could have been one of two things, the callers phone had gone off whilst they were out jogging, and they hadn't realised, or it was a heavy breather. I decided that heavy breathing phone calls only happen to other people. Other things that only happen to other people include cancer, being run over, being house burgled, and getting caught in a house fire. I mention this phone call to a friend later, but I think very little of it. Fast forward, to the Lisbon pub after work. I'm talking to a friend of mine and my phone goes. It's withheld, I'm intrigued now and I answer. Here is how the call goes;
Me: Hello
Caller: Hello, is that Emil?
Me: Yes it is . Who's that?
Caller: It's Max.
Me: Max who?
Max: Oh I'm sorry I must have the wrong number.
The caller hangs up. Here, I must digress. Many many years ago, my Nan took a phone call. And that went like this;
Nan: Hello
Caller: Hello Mum, it's Ann.
Nan: Hello Ann. How's things?
Ann: Good thanks, I was just calling to see how you are.
My Nan and Ann went on to discuss, dinner plans, how their day had been, and what their plans were for the following day. It took them 20 minutes before they realised they didn't have a clue who the other person was they were talking to. Ann had dialled a wrong number. Now these things, happen. The UK is full of Ann's who have Mum's. It's undersatandable. However, never ever ever has anyone called a number looking for an Emil, and got the wrong Emil, never - FACT! Their just aren't that many Emil's in this country. Let's get back to yesterday. Ten minutes later my phone rings again, but I'm at a cash machine. Now if you answer your phone whilst you are at a cash machine you are just asking to be robbed, so again I ignore it. I take my money from the machine, pocket it, and check my phone. Witheld number, one message left. Low and behold it's Max, and he leaves me a rather interesting message.
Voice message "Hello Emil, this is Max. I'm just calling because I thought you might be interested to know that your friend Paul has given your number out in several chat rooms for phone sex - I thought you'd like to know."
Let me get a few things straight here. I don't use chat rooms, I have done in the past, but never for sex, and never have I been in gay specific chat rooms. I don't give my phone number out willy nilly on the internet, and nor do I in public. I don't even use gaydar.com for christs sake, and that makes me a very very good boy. Please don't judge me. Oh and one more thing, I don't have a friend called Paul. So I'm confused, wound up, a little angry, and very frustrated. Max calls me back, he obviously likes a bit of drama. He tells me that Paul, has been pretending to be me in a gay chat room and that he is talking to him on-line as we were on the phone. I ask Max to ask Paul who he is. Max says that I know Paul, and then asks how many Pauls do I know. I say is it Paul XXXX (this is just a Paul I have come across in the past).
Max: He says you must have slept with lots of people if you don't know which Paul I am.
(Paul clearly dosn't know me I figure)
Me: No. Ask who he is please.
Max: He says you have a small cock.
(maybe he does know me?)
Max: He says Have you got a hard on right now, but obviously you haven't because you sound distressed.
Me: No I haven't.
Max: He says he wants to know a few things about you before he says who he is. He wants to know do you still live in Crosby.
Me: Yes
Max: He wants to know how many people you have slept with. He says loads.
Me: Very few, never a Paul.
Max: I'll just put two
(maybe Max knows me too? No I don't think so)
At this point me and Max get chatting. He says he is from Holland but is living in London right now. He was in a chat room, talking to a guy also called Max, who he is going to meet in Liverpool, when LiverpoolLegend sends him a message. LiverpoolLegend is Paul. Max seems nice. Paul tells Max that we worked in Costco together. I did work in Costco 7 years ago, but I don't remember anyone called Paul, so I'm none the wiser. I thank Max for being so helpful and call off. Here is what I know about Paul, He worked/works in Costco, he uses the user name LiverpoolLegend in Wanadoo chat rooms (and maybe others), and he is clearly not right in the head. He knows too much about me for my liking, this info should not be in the hands of someone who is so not operating properly. I am concerned to be honest, but I also see the funny side. I am eager to find out who he is, and the gay world being so small, I'm sure I'll come across him soon enough.

Other events in my life. I found three grey hairs on my chest whilst in the shower. This is not good. Very upsetting. I'm doing a sponsored walk for a HIV charity www.sahir.uk.com and I will be dressed as the New York Cop from The Village People. Me and my friends are going to make up the full Village People set, so it will be a laugh. I was reading the sponsorship form of one of my fellow villagarians, and he had got a sponsorship off an ex girlfriend of mine by shear chance, I didn't even know she was in the city. Let me just make it clear, I was with this girlfriend when I was 16 and still very much in the closet. Apparently she has revealed an embarrasing story about me, when I find out what it is, I'll put it on here. Maybe. I'm on telly. Well not quite, StubooTV go to www.stubuu.co.uk and click on StubooTV to see a video of me. It is not supposed to just be me, but it seems to be. I think that means Stuart, my mate who set up the web site must love me - this is a fact. I saw it on the film 'Love Actually' and if you keep filming one person it means you love them.