Wet fart 

I think I just invented text blogging

I've been out tonight for a good old knees up. It was the birthday of a friend of mine whom I used to work with. She used to be a lesbian but is now seeing a guy I once tried to steal a kiss with. I am now glad I never stole that kiss because it seems the lesbo loves the guy and it would have hurt her - they were seeing each other at the time. They make a great couple, but I am kind of confused about how it will all work out. I'm sure you might be too.

I wrote myself some text blogs today. I may have invented that phrase, but I think it will make sense soon. I sent myself a text tonight. It goes thus;

Text to me. Bloke grabs drink for fun. Then other bloke throws paper in my beer. Drugs in paper? Who knows. Having fun anyway. In Bar Red. Not dead yet. Lever in beaver. Lol.

This was never intended as a text blog, but when I read it I thought I was being pathetic and so thought it might be entertaining. I wrote this text because some guy grabbed my beer at the bar, then when I grabbed it back, another bloke threw a paper flyer in it. That dosn't really justify the text so maybe this will. I am very paranoid about getting spiked, i.e. people putting drugs in my beer. I don't get why people do this, but it seems they do. I read a story in the paper that made me super paranoid. A young lad from Halifax went out to Manchester for a night out. He was 21. Read the story here. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_yorkshire/4075653.stm . To sum up, his drink was spiked, and he was so scared he called his Mum, but all his Mum heard was him screaming down the line. Imagine how bad that would be for a Mum? This story, truly, really, scares me. He was later found drowned in the Manchester canal. He was obviously so drugged, he got lossed and fell in the canal, and drowned. What a horrid way to die. It seems his Mum heard him scream just before he fell in the canal. How horrific is that. So why did I write the text? I thought that if my drink was spiked and i died that i would then have some evidence of how it happened? Rediculous? Paranoid? I know. I probably should have thrown my drink away and bought another, but I didn't. I can't really explain the psychology of this. I threw in the 'having fun anyway' bit so that if I died my Mum might have thought I died having a good time and felt better about it all. How mad is that?!
The bit about 'leaver in beaver' i just wanted to remember because I thought it was a fun analogy for breeder sex.

Anyway, once I realise I wasn't going to die, I figured it might make entertaining blogging to note my thoughts for the night, so I decided that I would write texts to myself that i will put in my blog. The rule is what I write must go in my blog. Bear in mind I'm pissed here.
Next text

Fat bird kissed me for birthday party.

Oh my god was she fat. i have seen smaller horses. This happened when I was asked to take a photo tonight of a group of girls. I obliged, but afterwards said they had to have a photo of me in return. But fat birthday girl said she had to be in said photo of me (vain bitch). Anyway as we were getting our pic taken she robbed a full on snog off me. Yuk. She tasted bad. You know when you snog someone you aint compatible with and the taste lingers? that happened. I never liked the taste of McDonalds.

Next text

Feel ill. Got that ill feeling. Done fart. Might be wet one but not sure. Ha ha. Dancing all gay. Still in bar red.

This is true. I often get this terrible pain in my stomach when I sleep which is closely followed by a pebble dashing of the nearest bog. i had that feeling. i suspect this is down to drinking too much. Bah!

Waiting for taxi. Still no confirmation that I may have done a wet one but can confirm I have shites as I'm desperately clenching. Come on cab.

I don't think I need to analyse that text. However, i now know I didnt't do a wet one, but once I got home I did let go in my toilet. I have a story about our downstaris toilet but think I'll save it for another day.

The Collegiate 

Welcome back to my blog

Well here it is again. My blog is back together, so let's do a dance and blog.

Lots and lots has changed in my life since I last blogged, so here, I will just fill you in on where I am up to. I graduated last week. I have to be honest I wasn't particularly looking forward to the graduation ceremony, but it was actually really good, I got a buzz from it, and it didn't last too long. Pete Postlethwaite was there. It turned out to be a dear day though, at least for my Mum. What with proffessional photo's costing £35, twenty pound for a photo within the hour, about 40 quid for the DVD and then there's the t-shirt and dinner afterwards of course. It must have totally skinted my Mum....agh well.

I have a 'proper' job now. I am a car salesman in a Renault garage. I know it's what I used to do, and I am fed up of people telling me it seems stupid that I did a degree and then just went back to the job I had before, but I guess that's just life. I will probably stick this job out. I work for a massive group called Arnold Clark which is rapidly expanding, so I'm hoping to move up in the group given time. It's tough adapting back into full time employment, and I am working a lot of hours, and settling in is somewhat stressful. I guess I'll just have to stick it out and see how it goes, but I am looking forward to bringing in a proper wage (coming soon) and settling my debts.

I have lots of plans now. My folks are moving home, so I figured it's time for me to move on too, so I'm looking to get myslef a flat in Liverpool City centre. I fancy a place called The Collegiate. And I'm looking to go to India in December for a couple of weeks. I can't wait for all this to happen.

Woop woop

Well, finally I have managed to put back together my blog. I was well peeved at its destruction, and gave up on it in a huff, but now after a few comments about it, and some direction from Mr. Saxon Whittle, it has now been resurrected. Expect me to post soon!